Friendships can last a life time or only a season. We click so quickly with some people and not so fast with some others. Some friends are supporting and comforting while others make us uncomfortable and upset. I should note that there is a difference between acquaintances and friends. Friends are those we connect to at a deeper level and we would like to have in our lives but acquaintances are those we respect and we talk to but we don’t share a deep level of connection.
A few days ago, I read an article about friendship and the kinds of friends we can have over the course of our lifetime. The article suggested there are 10 kinds of friendships, and out of all of them, there is only one group that counts as real and true, and that the rest have to either be terminated or ignored. It rang a bell as I felt I could relate to it by experience.
The article warned us that all friendships are not to last forever of course, as some could hurt us or make us disappointed. The reason could be either the lack of support when we need or expect it, or when we are treated unfairly. The article divided friendships into four quadrants. The fourth quadrant was the group of “Rock Friends” who are the “real thing” and who make us happy and support us. The other three groups were either unhealthy, boring, or both, and were recommended to be demoted to the bottom of our list and in a “out of sight, out of mind” kind of category. Read the article here.
This advice, combined with what I heard today from one of my favorite motivational speakers, made me determined to share the depth of my understanding about the subject here. The speaker of the show warned us about letting the turmoil and noise of the outside getting to the inside. This turmoil could be anger, sadness or discouragement caused by others.
He said that there is nothing wrong about feeling anger, hatred and other negative feelings, but when we let these feelings sink in and enter our sacred inner-space, or as he puts it “our inner sanctuary”, we will change the pattern of our mind and from then on, we will act upon the negativity and thus we will feel, see and manifest negativity. From that moment on, that negativity becomes a reality and part of our destiny. He suggested not to react to those moments of discouragement and anger, and instead ignore those who harm us to protect ourselves.
At times, we feel our friends don’t support us and are mean to us. They might even break our heart or become hostile towards us for some reason. If we don’t stand on a solid ground and react to everyone and every unpleasant situation around us, our life will be a series of struggle and turmoil. I completely agree with the speaker not to react to those triggers and people and to stay away from them as much as possible.
We keep our distance to respect ourselves and others and to have an opportunity to reflect on what happened. We also need to stay away from further headache and disagreement which could ultimately destroy the friendship and create more emotional stress and problems.
Also, knowing that no one is perfect and we all have flaws can help. Understanding that we accept people ini our lives as friends not because they are perfect but because we
After the show, I remembered what late Wayne Dyer suggested to me in a short private meeting that I was so fortunate to have with him after one of his public speaking events in 2011. I kept thinking about what he said to me that day and tried to digest it over the years.
This wonderful man advised me to always choose love over anything else in life, and never have any doubts that love is the highest and ultimate gift anyone can store in their sacred sanctuary, their heart. He told me to love others as God loves us, without condition and without judgement. He asked me to always think of one thing when someone hurts me, and that is, if that person knew any better, they would have acted differently and to believe they did the best they could.
Wayne was able to forgive his father who left his family when he was born, after many years of feeling extreme bitterness and hatred. He tried to understand his father’s limitations and believed that his father had done the best he could. He believed that he would have acted differently if his circumstances were different. Wayne chose to love and to forgive the unforgettable because seeing the goodness in others is also a choice: “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”
His message has helped me over and over in my life whenever I felt I couldn’t comprehend or deal with something that was beyond my understanding when it came to people’s behavior and when the hurt and sadness was overwhelming. He said that love can heal all hurt and wound and I think that is true.
When we think from our our heart, we can not, and will not, judge others for their wrong doings because we understand no one is perfect and all make mistakes. That decision not only help us understand others and not judge them but help us find peace and comfort in knowing they did what they did because they didn’t know any better. WE understand that others behavior and wrong doings towards us is in fact an indication of their limitations and has nothing to do with us. We realize that we also have shortcomings and problems that was tolerate by others around us.
Although I feel that the recommendations of the article and my favorite speaker both have merit and are very true, Wayne suggestions are more than protecting “me” from “others” and is helping “me” to find peace. because not only does he teaches us how to protect and heal ourselves, but to understand and to have compassion for others.
How do you handle conflict with your friends? What is your favorite way of resolving your friendship bumps in the road?